De Party Promise De Moon, De Stars, and Mars Too
Jun 18, 2025
Kaieteur News – Dem boys seh election season come again and one political party seh dem gun give everybody de moon and de stars. Not metaphorically. Literally. Dem seh de first 1,000 supporters gon get a plot on de moon—complete wid solar lights and galactic Wi-Fi.
Dem launch de manifesto last night under a big tent. And dem had holograms floating over de crowd. One hologram was de candidate himself, waving from de surface of Mars. He seh, “Vote fuh we, and y’all gon live like astronauts.”
Dem boys seh de manifesto got 99 promises and not one is realistic. Dem promise to end blackout by importing sunshine in bottle. Dem seh dem gun ban potholes by sending all dem to de asteroid belt. One minister-in-waiting seh de only traffic dem supporters gon face is satellite traffic.
Dem promise free house lot—on Saturn ring! Free health care—by alien doctors trained in Jupiter University. And education? Every child gon get a scholarship to the Intergalactic Academy of Cosmic Excellence.
Dem boys seh de party even promise to build a floating bridge from Georgetown to New Amsterdam—made outta stardust and cloud foam.
People ask dem how dem gon fund all this. Dem seh oil money. Not this oil. Future oil. Oil dem ain’t even find yet. Oil in 2080.
Dem boys seh is only one thing dem didn’t promise—a dose of reality. Is like de whole campaign write by a man who sniff helium and drink Red Bull mix wid porridge.
But leh we be fair. Dem get vision. Big, big vision. Too bad it ain’t got no telescope to back it up.
So dem boys seh when yuh go to vote in 2025, remember: if somebody promise you de moon and stars, check if dem even own a ladder.
And if yuh see a spaceship on Brickdam, just know—de campaign tek off, but de country still grounded.
Talk half. Leff half.
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